Yup, it happened

Akemashite omedetô, minna! It's a bit late for this, I know, but it doesn't matter.

It happened, the thing I feared. The pill I'm on sucks even worse than the previous because, in addition to lowering my libido, it doesn't eliminate the acne on my back and chest, and in fact I've never had it as bad as now. -.- Damn.

Fanfiction production has decreased. The fact that I just realised I can't write doesn't help at all. -_- I mean, I have always have this annoying ambition to be better than everyone, or at least as good as the best, and it's stupid and useless because there is always someone who is going to be better than you at something, and instead of practising by writing a lot, I just give up and don't finish anything. The same goes for drawing. In my life, I can say that I have completed only 2 illustrations. And I don't sketch nearly enough for me to improve my skills. I hate being lazy, but I have to take responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof. Aw crap. -_-

The truth is I write better than some authors out there that pollute the fanfiction world with their lack of quality, who don't even bother to keep the characters "in character" (sorry for the repetition), but I have my own standards and if something sucks I'd rather not show it to the world. Another thing that annoys me is those "FIRST FIC, be gentle" warnings in summaries. So what if it's your first? It should stand on its own without the pity of your readers. I'm being too mean, aren't I? -_-" I am frustrated and this is my place to vent... so... to apply another common warning, "don't like it, don't read it". But hey, I give those authors credit for having the courage to expose their work and be judged by the readers, they actually finished something and published it. That's more than I've ever done.

I wish I had more vocabulary, too. I wish I knew how to make good descriptions, and how to use figures of speech like metaphors and synesthesiae and all the literary stuff I learned back in school, which I actually found interesting back then but now I can't remember. :\ And I wish I could decide on whether to write in British or American English. I prefer the British, but I'm afraid of not being consistent as I am much more exposed to the American culture. I don't like writing in my own language.

I've really got to stop reading wonderfully written angsty fanfiction because it depresses me doubly, as in "damn, this is gooood, there's no way I'll write something as good as this" and "damn, this is saaaad, too depressing to even cry".

I'm gonna sleep now.